🏫 Ivy League Is the New Hermès—Until It Isn’t
You don’t go to Harvard because it teaches you how to think. You go because it makes everyone else think you’re important.
That’s the game. Ivy League schools are the Birkin bags of higher ed — exclusive, overpriced, and dripping in social status. You don’t pay for the product. You pay for the brand. And like any luxury brand, the moment it loses its mystery or gets caught up in scandal, that illusion starts to crack.
Lately, Harvard and Columbia — two of the crown jewels of American academia — have been caught slipping. Think of it like finding out Loro Piana started outsourcing to Shein. The value’s still there on paper, but something just feels... off.
Let’s talk about it.
Full Disclosure. Ron from The Marketing Memo will be attending Columbia University in the Fall.
The Illusion of Prestige
The Ivy League was never just about education. It was about access. Access to the elite. To billion-dollar networks. To secret societies and closed-door conferences. These schools are luxury items for the mind.
Just like you don’t buy a Rolex to tell time, you don’t go to Yale just to get a degree. You go because it sends a signal. “I made it.” “I’m worth something.” “Respect me.”
And to keep that illusion alive, these schools mastered the art of branding: century-old buildings, Latin mottos, manicured quads, and admissions criteria designed to make sure only the “chosen ones” get in — or at least those who know how to play the game.
But here’s the kicker: when your entire value is built on perception, any controversy — no matter how nuanced — hits like a brick to a glass house.
Harvard: The $51 Billion Identity Crisis
Harvard has the kind of endowment that makes oil sheikhs blush — $51.9 billion. With that kind of money, you’d think they could afford to not get dragged into political fistfights.
But here we are.
In recent years, Harvard’s been in hot water for all the wrong reasons: antisemitism allegations, questionable student protests, and foreign influence from groups like “Harvard for Palestine” and Confucius Institutes. Oh, and there’s the whole DEI thing — which, depending on who you ask, is either social progress or the academic equivalent of MLM.
The Trump administration didn’t just call them out — it’s been actively trying to defund them. Why? Because Harvard, in their view, stopped being a neutral playground of ideas and became an ideological factory. A place where meritocracy took a backseat to identity politics, and where antisemitic harassment somehow got swept under the Ivy-covered rug.
So now people are asking hard questions:
Why does a school with $51 billion still take taxpayer money?
Are students being taught how to think or what to think?
And is Harvard still a symbol of excellence — or just expensive PR?
Columbia: Petty, Political, and $400 Million Poorer
Columbia’s drama is the kind you’d expect from a Netflix miniseries, not a university bulletin.
Flashback to 2000: Columbia was eyeing a property in midtown Manhattan owned by Trump’s business partner. They backed out. Trump didn’t forget. Fast forward 25 years, and Trump kills $400 million in grants over antisemitic incidents on campus.
Coincidence? Probably not.
But Columbia’s problems aren’t just personal vendettas. Like Harvard, it’s caught in the crosshairs of a cultural war. Student protests, ideological silos, and a refusal to address rising harassment on campus — especially toward Jewish students — have put its prestige on life support.
When a school that charges over $80K a year starts acting like it’s running a chaotic Reddit forum, people notice. And just like any luxury brand, when the inside starts looking messy, the outside world starts losing interest.
What Happens When the Dream Loses Its Shine?
We all know someone who dreamed of getting into an Ivy. The admissions letter hits your inbox, and suddenly the world feels brighter. You did it. You’re elite now.
But what happens when the elite stops feeling... elite?
When Jewish students are getting heckled during campus protests. When “free speech” means one side gets a megaphone and the other gets silenced. When your Chem class starts with a 20-minute lecture on privilege. When students start to feel like they paid for the Ivy, but got the Walmart knockoff.
Colleges have a brand identity just like any luxury company — and right now, that identity is going through a major crisis. They’re trying to be everything to everyone: academic powerhouse, social justice leader, global influencer, and government contractor. The result? A confused, bloated institution that’s making nobody truly happy.
DEI in Chem Class Is Like a Birkin at Costco 😬
Let’s get this straight: DEI isn’t inherently evil. Neither is social advocacy. But when these concepts are force-fed into spaces where they make zero sense — like STEM courses or admissions decisions — it starts to feel disingenuous. Performative. Hollow.
It’s the luxury brand version of desperation: “Look! We’re still relevant! We care!”
But if Hermès started selling Birkins at Costco, people would stop seeing them as a status symbol. Same thing here. If an Ivy League education starts to feel like political theater, its value — its actual, perceived value — crumbles.
Because when you strip away the ancient buildings and glossy brochures, what are you really buying?
Final Thoughts: When Brands Lose Their Compass
Luxury is fragile. Prestige is fragile. Once the mystique is gone, the entire business model falls apart.
Harvard and Columbia aren't dying. They’re still going to be rich, well-attended, and full of smart people. But their reputation — that elusive thing that makes them worth it — is under siege.
They can still fix this. But they’ll have to decide what kind of brand they really want to be:
A timeless icon that adapts with dignity?
Or a hollow flex that's more about posturing than purpose?
Because students aren’t stupid. And sooner or later, even the most polished brand starts to rot if no one trusts what’s underneath the shine.
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